You can find “Open In Love I” here
As always, while I was trying really hard, life happened… In ‘ Open In Love I’ I wrote about me and my girlfriends new found freedom in having an open relationship. I quote: “Real love for my girlfriend, I learned quickly, is not owning her in any remark…Not mentally, financially or physically.”
I still believe this but a new problem has arisen: what if we also should not live together? What if we are still too close to each other in order to enjoy each other as individuals.
As I write this she has moved to another apartment.
From the get go she and I have had more rest and feel more like ourselves. Since she moved out I clean up the apartment as I like, she makes a mess in her apartment as she enjoys. She goes to dance classes till late, I go to techno raves with my friends. It works. I feel more like myself. more rest, more piece. But I also feel afraid. Afraid that we could grow apart.
Now I love my girlfriend. I love her a lot. And I hate to admit it but I completely understand this sounds like the moment people start to break up. First they are okay with seeing other people, then they start spending more and more time apart and as a last resort they move into different apartments. After a little while they learn that it is time to stop the romance because there is no more left.
So what do I do? What if my case is different? I don’t define my relationship by the time we spend together, nor do I define it by the amount of sex, if we live together or if I have a ring on my finger. However, how do you define a relationship where you have separate lives, you can sleep with other people and you see other people more than your partner?
I have noticed that the only thing that works in defining if we have a relationship is me and her. I feel and know we have a relationship. I know it. It is a certainty. It is incredibly subjective and solely exists in my head. And in hers… It is as I can feel she loves me. Is that arrogant or the truth? I get a lot of peace from knowing this truth. It makes it that she does not have to prove to me that she loves me by living in the same apartment. It makes that I am not scared that she might leave me when she goes home.
So our relationship is defined by she and I knowing, in a very subjective way that only exists in our minds, that we love each other and are ‘ together’. So we are together in thought not in space. Next to that we, of course, also cuddle, are friends, kiss, have dinners and have sex.
Can our new found distance become a mirror of our love? Or did the demise of our relationship start?